Day 16: 31 Days of Life in The StepMom Trenches (Vlogtober)
Today, I want to talk about the legacy we are creating and leaving for our children. All mothers, biological, step, adoptive, foster, leave a legacy for their children. We are impacting our kids with both the words we speak and the actions we take. Recently, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting Cyndi Spivey and hear her speak at the Be Still Retreat at BloggyCon in Cincinnati.
Cyndi spoke with love about her mother and the legacy she left for her family. I was deeply moved by Cyndi and the way she spoke of her mother and the impact she had on those around her. It is so apparent of the legacy that her mother left in Cyndi and I can only pray that my children will be so blessed by me.
In my vlog below, I share Cyndi’s story and I talk about how it relates to us as stepmoms. As stepmothers, we have an amazing (albeit hard somedays) opportunity to leave a legacy of unconditional love and compassion and model for our kids what a loving marriage looks like.
Takeaway: Think about the legacy you are creating. Think about that word legacy each time you interact with your family today. Think of the idea that how you respond to negativity in your life can shape how your stepkids may grow to respond to adversity. That can be a powerful motivator in doing the right thing.
Day 15: 31 Days of Life in the StepMom Trenches (Vlogtober)
Today, I’m sharing with you an idea that comes from a class that I teach: “catch your negative thoughts.” I love this expression and what it signifies. It acknowledges that we all have negative thoughts and encourages us to catch them when they enter our head.
I believe it is important to understand and accept that negative thoughts happen. It’s what we do with our thoughts, both positive and negative, that really define our day.
In today’s vlog below, I share with you the phrase and how it benefits us stepmoms. It works much better than just telling yourself “don’t take things personally.”
Takeaway: Remember this phrase: “Catch your negative thoughts,” and think of it when negative thoughts enter your mind. It is normal to have negative thoughts. It’s what we do with these thoughts that can define our mood, our actions, our state of mind. Catching our negative thoughts doesn’t mean we don’t have those thoughts but rather says we are going to catch them before they catch us off guard and cause us to say or do something we might regret.
For more information on DivoreCare please click here. If you know someone hurting from a divorce or separation, I encourage you to put them in touch with this ministry. Whether a friend is separated two weeks or divorced twenty years, DivorceCare can bring healing to a broken heart and spirit.
Day 13: 31 Days of Life in the StepMom Trenches (Vlogtober)
Time is precious. As women, we value time alone with our spouse. Just as we love that time so do our stepkids. No matter how much time we spend together as a family, our stepkids want and need time with just dad.
As both a mom and stepmom, I value time together with our whole family but I also value time with just my four kids as I do when it’s just my husband and my two stepdaughters. Conversely, my kids have expressed how much they love it when it’s just the five of us and I know my stepdaughters love time with just their dad.
In today’s vlog, I am talking about the blessing you bring when you encourage your spouse to spend alone time with his kids and the message that sends to your stepchildren about how you support their relationship with dad.
Takeaway: Take some time to think of a “date night” for your husband and his kids. Then think of a way you can spend your time where you can relax and celebrate the gift you gave to your family. Often, when our stepkids demand dad’s time….. feelings of jealousy or being on the outside can set in. Yet when that time is our idea, the mindset around it is very different.
Do you encourage your husband to spend time with just his kids? What do they do with that time? What value does it bring to your family? Thanks for sharing.
Day 12: 31 Days of Life in the StepMom Trenches (Vlogtober)
It’s nearly 11pm tonight and I’m just posting. The vlog today was actually taped yesterday because I thought I’d be so busy today doing what I talk about that I wouldn’t have time to tape with the all the kids home. As life would have it, I woke up this morning with one of my killer migraines. They are so well timed. You know it has been a rough day when I still haven’t had my coffee.
Needless to say, what I said we were going to do in the video did not get done today and I want to be upfront with you on that. But two other messages came shining through to me as I feel like half human again.
First, my kids all rallied together to help each other out. The oldest handled lunch and the kids played well together as I took care of my migraine. The kids come together when someone in the family is in need. There is no STEP relations when someone is down. I’m grateful for that.
Second, life happens. Yes, life happens and I’ve learnt not to get stuck on what was supposed to happen but find blessings in what did happen. I’m not going to feel guilty that I spent most of the day in bed tending a terrible headache and I didn’t get the donations or cleaning done. I wish I never got these headaches but I do and they take me down. I’m reflecting on the fact that my kids pulled together and my husband took care of dinner. Family is family regardless of whether there is bio, step, single parent, foster or adoptive in front of it.
So here’s the video of what was supposed to happen today and I will plan on doing this the next time the kids are off of school.
Takeaway: Make plans but don’t get upset if they don’t happen. Don’t let yourself feel guilty if there are times when you can’t be what you want to be for your family. You give 100% everyday and those you love see and feel that. Enjoy your weekend friends.