Mon 21 Dec 2009
Okay, I’ll admit it. I am dreading Thanksgiving this year. I dread it every other year when I don’t have my bio children. I’m dreading eating dinner without my kids there. I’m dreading looking up from the table and not seeing their smiling faces. I’ve known this day was coming since the day after last year’s Thanksgiving but it doesn’t make it any easier.
I had been pushing the thought out of my head and then I got the call last week. It was my mom asking me “what are you doing for Thanksgiving? I know you don’t have your kids and it will be hard for you and I want to invite you, Andy and the girls to our house for dinner.” I couldn’t say “thank you” without breaking down in tears. I am literally sick when I think about that day.
Two thanksgivings ago I tried to make the best of it and I did but the tears still flowed when they left the house. I had thought about things and decided if I couldn’t have dinner with them, I would make a Thanksgiving breakfast so I woke up and made all the kids a breakfast of turkey bacon, hash brown potatoes, cranberry juice and pumpkin cookies. We had a great time. The kids thought it was silly. We watched some of the Macy’s Day Parade and I helped them all get dressed up and ready to go to their grandma’s house with their dad. I painted on my smile, give them all hugs and told them to have a great time. And then I went upstairs and sat against the wall in my bathroom and cried for almost an hour.�
The thing is I do want my kids to spend Thanksgiving with their other grandparents and their dad. I really do want them to have special memories with both families but it still hurts not to have them with me. And if I’m completely honest, I think what makes it really hard is that I spend every Thanksgiving with my stepkids but not my bio kids. And while I enjoy the holidays with my stepkids, there is a sense of emptiness and sorrow that fills my heart knowing that my whole family isn’t together.
My husband is so sweet. He has offered to have Thanksgiving at our home on Saturday when my kids get back and I am taking him up on the offer. It will still be hard for me to wave goodbye on Thanksgiving and eat the “traditional” dinner without them but I am so looking forward to Saturday and I decided that is the day that I will capture with photos and good memories.
How do you survive Thanksgiving? Are you looking forward to it this year? Any traditions that you have started with your blended family?