Mon 8 Feb 2010
Yes. You read the title correctly. But before you swear off my blog forever in disgust, read on to find out what I mean by the title.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I am preparing to share small tokens of love with my family. I usually make homemade cards for my kids with a corny poem and purchase my husband a small, sentimental gift. This year, I bought a copy of the first movie we ever watched together. As I’m making my love list and checking it twice, my stepkids’ bio mom popped into my head. Maybe I should send her a card – an olive branch. I’ve never met the woman, the only verbal exchanges have been me answering the phone and handing it to my stepdaughters. There was that one brief conversation where I congratulated her on the birth of her baby and she gave me the website to have my stepdaughters look at their “new sister” online (their reaction is a whole ‘nother blog)
So, I kept asking myself why am I thinking of her? Why would I ever consider sending her a card? Was it the egg rolls from last night? Humm! Then it came to me. My stepdaughters are dying inside. I see that small death every day. They haven’t seen their bio mom in over four years by her own choice. They love me but they ache to see their mom. To know they are loved by their mom. To know that they are wanted by their mom. While I do not agree with the choices their mom has made, I do not bad mouth her to the kids. But it is tearing me up inside to see the consequences of her abandonment on the girls. My 8 SD is not doing well. She has ADHD and a slew of other emotional disorders and every time she talks to her mom, her anxiety gets ramped up and with it so does her challenging behavior. Their mom does call on occasion. And with every call, with every time they hear her voice they are reminded that she is several states away with her new family and they are here, without her.
I’m digressing. Back to the card idea. I am thinking of throwing on my coat and running to Hallmark to pick up a card – a peace offering – a I’ll take the first step to connect with you kind of thing in hopes you’ll connect positively with the girls. But then reality hits — who sells cards for a stepmom to send to her stepkid’s bio mom who she’s never met. So I was thinking of making her a card. I’m crafty and hey, I’ve got a Cricut here collecting dust. Here are a few of my attempts:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You are so screwed up
I’m glad I’m not you.
While it expresses my sentiments, this one won’t give me much mileage on the road to connecting. (I give it points for being fun, easy, and therapeutic to think up)
On Valentine’s Day, I can’t help but think of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre and how you have massacred your daughters’ hearts. You should thank me for being here to pick up the pieces and mend their broken spirits.
To violent. Not enough cheer.
What were you thinking leaving your ex-husband. He is the greatest person I have ever met in my life. He blesses me every second of every day just by being him. On second thought, thanks for messing up. I have really benefited from your huge mistake.
Better suited for a thank you card.
I would like to offer you my friendship. I believe the girls will benefit from us getting along. I hope that we can work together to help the girls grow into the wonderful women we both know they are destined to become. I’m available if you ever want to talk….
All kidding aside, I don’t know if I’ll send her a card or not but it has really been on my heart to connect with her lately. She has done some terrible things to my husband and the girls but her and I do not have a history. Am I the bridge to bring her and her daughters together? Should I even try? On this topic ladies, I would appreciate any and all advice and encouragement you can offer.
I have to admit, writing the card sentiments was fun. Post your card and sentiments to your stepkids’ bio mom here! It’s therapeutic and you never have to send them.